Maybe It’s Okay to Be Weak

“Maybe It’s Okay to be Weak” by guest blogger Alisha Bozarth brings us her perspective on why it’s okay to not be okay all the time.

“Being strong in the biggest battle of my life is like asking a marathon runner to curl 20 pound weights while he runs. It’s too much.

“How many times have I heard the phrase “You’re so strong” as I’ve been forced to walk a path in life I would have never chosen. Too many to count. People mean well. The need to be strong drives us as humans. I mean, who wants to be seen as weak, right? We hold it together, and tack on a smile.

But being strong in the biggest battle of my life is like asking a marathon runner to curl 20 pound weights while he runs. It’s too much.

We need permission to be weak. Society portrays strength as not being able to be taken down. But that’s silly. We all get taken down at some point in life. No one is indestructible. And tragedy is a force as powerful as a tsunami. We all cave under its power. Some just cover it up better than others.

Maybe strength is allowing yourself to be weak at the right moments. Letting it crash into you and envelope you…Relaxing the muscles that are trying desperately to resist it. Because you know it’s temporary. You know it’s necessary. You know it will work something unique and profound.

After you’ve been weak, you have the strength to allow healing

Just because I am weak, doesn’t mean I have to stay that way. It just means I need to be….right now. And after you’ve been weak, you have the strength to allow healing. The strength to rise again.

Imagine someone having a broken foot but being determined to “be strong” and continue to carry the load they normally did? No, when someone suffers a physical injury, we EXPECT them to take it easy and recover. To be weak.

In fact, proper healing requires it. Isn’t it the same for grief? To “stay strong” is actually living in denial of the storm inside. And storms break. And that’s okay. Rest in your brokenness so healing can come.

Maybe it’s okay to not be okay all the time. Maybe it’s okay to be weak. The sweet surrender to the failure. The collapse of those muscles straining against the pain. Sometimes, in the darkest moments of life, we need that relief – the relief of not having to hold it all together.

As we trudge our way through a tragedy in life, don’t carry the false notion of being strong. I’ll gladly say I’m weak.

Because it means I’m human. It means I’ve loved fully. And lost fully.

Because I’m weak, I’ve tasted what it is to be carried – that humbling, soul-crying-from-thankfulness-as-others-lifted-me-up, heart-deepening, kind of carried.

Because I’m weak, I understand the power of grief. I understand its necessity.

Because I’m weak, I appreciate its beauty and what it births.

Because I’m weak, I appreciate the victory of standing again.

Because I’ve tasted the darkness, the light holds new depths.

Because I’ve drowned, my simple breath holds more awe.

Because I’ve been carried, I understand compassion. Because being weak, ultimately, gives room to heal.

Because I’m weak, I’ve realized it is actually part of being strong.

Kansas City Hospice Grief Support Specialists are available to support and listen. 816.363.2600.

About Us

The mission of Kansas City Hospice & Palliative Care is to bring expert care, peace of mind, comfort, guidance, and hope to people who are affected by life-limiting illness or by grief. Our vision is that each person in our community is valued from life through death and each family is supported in their grief.


  1. Maria Degen on October 23, 2020 at 9:05 am

    My husband passed away on Sept 8, 2020 after a 12 month battle with Glioblastoma. I cried when I read this blog. I am currently reading a book, IT’S OK, THAT I AM NOT OK., so I was drawn to the title for this blog. I have a neighbor that says I am so strong when she sees me working in the yard. I am not strong, just trying to take my mind off of being left alone after 43 years of marriage. How should I react when people comment about my grief?

  2. Lisa Farmer, Director of Grief Programs for Kansas City Hospice on October 23, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    We are sorry to hear about the grief you are experiencing. Reading is often a helpful way to process your emotions and Megan Devine’s book is a good one. Sorry that your neighbor and many others are struggling to find helpful ways to provide support. Glad you are here seeking out resources. You may also enjoy the site What’s Your Grief? They have shared an article entitled “What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving.” You may recognize some of the content. I hope it helps you to remember that you are not alone.

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