Sorting Through by Christy Hansen, LMSW, Grief Support Specialist at Kansas City Hospice
When you must sort through a loved one’s belongings, it can be an overwhelming and emotional task. Whether it’s a home that holds a lifetime of memories or a shared space where many objects are a painful reminder, approaching the process with a plan can help soften the difficulty and make it manageable.
The 4 P’s of Sorting
People
Who is best suited to help you with this task? Is it one that would be better tackled alone?
Priorities
Are there time sensitive things that must be done right away? Are there things you can put off until you have more time or feel more ready? Look for tasks that can be saved for later.
You can always box up pictures or mementos to sort through later when the pressure is off.
I know someone who has a box of her mom’s things. Every once in awhile, she opens it to see if she’s ready. Up to now, she’s not, so she shuts the box to think about it another day.
Plan
Break down your sorting into smaller tasks, starting with what feels easiest. Does cleaning out the linen closet, pantry or medicine cabinet feel like a smaller, more doable task? Maybe that will help you build confidence and momentum.
Pace Yourself
Work in chunks of time, no more than three or four hours. Plan meals so you don’t find yourself hungry, tired and emotional. You might also plan a “buffer activity.” Do something enjoyable, relaxing or soothing after a session.
Find Ways to Avoid Guilt
Sometimes it’s easier to part with belongings when you know they’re going to good use.
- Give sentimental items to family members as a remembrance.
- Give items to charity to benefit others.
- Try to not feel guilty about discarding items past their usefulness. Everything has its time.
Take Care of Yourself
In the midst of any overwhelming task, give yourself grace and gentleness. Remember, the goal is not to finish quickly, but to feel you’ve done well. Honor your loved one and yourself in the process.
More Grief Resources
Visit more grief resources on our website at kchospice.org/grief
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